Nothing has really changed in 3 years

I can't believe it's been 3 years since I posted anything. I don't feel quite as negative, but my wife and son take a lot of work. I had hoped she would have learned to trust me by now and he tests us both everyday. He is failing all of hi major classes in 9th grade and maybe he can hope for C's in the next two weeks at the end of school.I don't know how to relate to him. He is 15, almost 16, and when he is at home he is in a constant state of "grumpiness". I wish I had a son who respected me and my ideas.

I am going to start the CRON (calorie restriction optimal nutrition) diet because I want to live to 120 and enjoy the compounding interest on my retirement money saved for 50-60 years. I am going to do some more research on this diet.

the grind

I watched Collateral last night. It was not that impressive, but I did like the killer's (Tom Cruise as Vincent) view that life is meaningless. Not that I want to throw mine away just that what we do here has very little impact except to usually unbalance the universe. The concept of progress is meaningless because we are only trying to fix areas we have carelessly broken in the past. Progress is usually concerning with eliminating drudgery or speeding up a process, but to what end? We are already so bored with life that we waste it watching other people live.

I am spending just too much money on things. Back-to-school is coming and my wife and I must buy all kinds of supplies for our son. Speaking of buying things, she goes through so much toilet paper, I am always buying one of those huge pack of tp each week. She wraps her hand like a prize fighter and uses up a roll a day. I mean each one is not a lot of money, but it adds up and it just seems wasteful.

Prologue

It's just so meaningless. Not that it is worthless, just without meaning. Well we don't really know. While all the things that happen to us seem important and the are important to us, they are just not important to anyone else. I love my family, but it just seems like an exercise, a process, a transformation. Something that is running for no apparent reason.

There is a funny thing that occurred to me: not only are other people very similar to me, they are almost exactly like me. When I get the feeling that I need to make a large purchase it seems to be about the same time many people are deciding to spend a lot of money.

I just can't believe people are caught in in all of this horse shit. They are just looking for direction amidst the chaos, but I don't think they are empathetic only spineless. I guess that would make me spineless as well. I am not a revolutionary, but a critic. Yet, the it people today are buffoons. You must sell part of yourself now for money. Talent still is prized as well, but now the common person can see the possibility of fame by selling their dignity.

I would love to have a lot of money. I just don't know if the struggle to get it is worth it. Maybe I can get the same...well, no, I guess I can't but I have always thought it would be great to be happy with what I have and not have to have what I want to be happy. I am happy, but I wish I didn't have to do what other people tell me. It's amazing I still feel this way. I bet many others do too...